VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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