I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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