well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
