my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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