either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
