This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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