i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
