I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
