This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize