Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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