I love black thongs
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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