I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
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