It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Help me help you realize you are a moron
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
