you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
