Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
