I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
