I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize