He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I love having hate sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
