I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
