Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
