I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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