Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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