Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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