how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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