Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
