I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
