gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
