ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
