Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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