Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
