if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just pynch a tree in the face
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
