oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
