just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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