woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dick very happy bro
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
