Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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