from now on my penis is your penis
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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