There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
