you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
