Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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