Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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