So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
