Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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