you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize