Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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