I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
