He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
vagina is talking i cant
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
