Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sext me about skeletons
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
