Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
