Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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