Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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