dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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