Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Your tits are I can't wait for
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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