After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
