Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
