I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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