somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
