mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Someone stole a lamp last night.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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