it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
