I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
